On information and application

In starting to write a new blog post today, I found this one I wrote a few months ago and forgot to post.  So I'll post it now  :)  Better late than never!

A friend of mine made a comparison today that I thought was quite apt. He was visiting another university to look into their religious studies program, but found that there wasn't much being done to implement what was being studied. He likened it to the difference between studying physics and engineering. Physicists learn a lot about how the universe works, but for the most part the focus is on knowing theory. Engineers on the other hand learn how to apply the principles they learn to make something that works. They may not understand all the theory, but that doesn't stop them from attempting to build something useful. My friend made the comparison with regard to Islam, but I see this being just as prevalent within Christianity. We have too many scholars, and not enough do-ers. So many people are eager to debate theology, but the practical application of that in their lives is mysteriously absent.

Many people think that since I've been in school for so long that I like learning things just for the sake of learning things. But that's actually not true. I like learning things that are applicable and relevant to my life. Otherwise, I just get bored. For instance, if you had told me a few years ago to learn about chemical surface modifications of polydimethylsiloxane, I would have fallen asleep after the first sentence. But once I started research, I had a problem to solve and suddenly that information was relevant to me, and I started reading up on it in my spare time. For the information I couldn't find, I ordered some products and conducted some tests to see what would work.

Some people think that the solution to all their difficulties in Christian life is to learn more. If only the Pastor gave more insightful sermons. If only they read that bestselling new book. If only they go to seminary or Bible college. I submit to you that our problem isn't with knowing, it's with doing. We're a culture that's over-educated and under-experienced. Learning more theology isn't going to make you more loving towards that coworker who gets on your nerves. Studying Bible commentaries won't give you the courage to go volunteer with the homeless. Christianity is not a theoretical field, it is applied. Maybe it's time to stop trying to have everything figured out and be responsible for what we know. Once we're willing to act, it's easy for God to correct our misconceptions and adjust our direction. For those who aren't willing to act, no amount of information will ever be enough.

Now the irony of this is that right now it's only a blog post. Just another piece of information floating around on the web. So here is my challenge to you this week: take a piece of theory you know, even if you're not sure if it's 100% correct, and transform it into action. I guarantee that through experience you'll learn far more than studying could ever teach you.

Thesis of DOOOOM!

Every so often, I need to stop in and make one of those "I'm still alive" posts, for everyone in blog land that might be wondering (or not wondering, as the case may be) what has happened to me.  The number of half-written blog posts in my drafts keeps increasing, and meanwhile my actual blogginess keep decreasing.  But I do have a very legitimate excuse at the moment!  That excuse happens to be a 40-pages-and-counting behemoth of text and figures known as the fearsome enemy of grad students everywhere: the thesis.  Ok, so it's not actually my enemy.  In fact, there are times when I'm downright chummy with the thing, but after spending the bulk of my days staring into a computer screen typing out words, I need to take my free time elsewhere.  Alas, that means away from you, my friends of the blogosphere, but be consoled by the fact that very soon I shall be graduated, and very soon I shall have all manner of wonderful things to share with you!  And speaking of wonderful things to share, here's a picture I snapped on my street this week (plus a bonus contrast-enhanced version that I'm using as my desktop background right now, so feel free to snag that if you like it).  I love rainbows so much!  I've been sharing this pic with everyone, because some things are meant to be shared  :)

What do you really really really want?

Last week, when chatting with my roommates, one of them shared how she has started to recognize the things that she wants, and her tendency to avoid those things when there wasn't a guarantee of success in order to avoid being disappointed.  Looking at my own life, I saw that this is true for me as well.  I always go for the things that I'm relatively sure will work out.  But are those the things I want?  How do I even learn to see the things I truly want?  I've always tried not to want the things I want, because the more I want them the more I'll be disappointed, so I tell myself that I don't need anything and that I can be happy with whatever.

You see, this has been a question God has been asking me a lot lately.  "What do you want?"  And most of the time my answer is, "I don't know."  And when I do decide I want something, how do I know whether this is a desire of my heart according to how I have been made, or merely a product of fear or selfishness?  

Regardless, any revelation is only information unless it is transformed into action in one's life.  So I decided to start with something small.  I want a cat.  I've wanted a cat of my own ever since I moved away from home 10 years ago.  Somehow, circumstances were always against me, and I kept putting it off.  But now, newly determined to chase after this dream, I set to work.

I was actually very surprised at how easily my roommates agreed to this plan.  My landlord was not enthusiastic about the idea, but seemed as though she could be convinced.  I decided that an adult cat would be best, and scoured craigslist to find a suitable kitty.

Before I knew it, I was driving home with Kitty, complete with her food, toys, and automated self-cleaning litterbox.  All free to a good home where kitty would be loved.  The owners and I agreed on a one week trial period, since there were a few potential obstacles to Kitty being happy here.  The first being this:

 

Meet Chopper, my roommate's Boston Terrier.  He's a cheery little guy who is content as long as he can be around his people.  We weren't sure how Kitty would react to him, and at the beginning it was all growls and hisses from her, and whimpering and shaking from him.  However, after a while they seemed to become somewhat indifferent to each other.  First hurdle passed!

The second trial was that of allergies.  Would Kitty prove too allergen-producing for another of my roommates who has a mild cat allergy?  After a few days of watching, it seemed she was fine.  Second hurdle passed!

The third trial was that of Kitty's consideration of the property.  Would she pull up the carpet, scratch the hardwood floors, or pee outside her litterbox?  Because that would give her an immediate eviction from the landlord.  Once again, Kitty passes with flying colours.

Fourth hurdle is that of the unknown.  That which cannot be predicted.  Kitty developed an obsession with the outdoors.  She meows at both the front and back door when anyone is nearby there, and tries to sneak out at every opportunity.  Last night she succeeded and disappeared, frolicking in her freedom for a good two hours before coming back home.  This, unfortunately, is a deal-breaker.  My house is on a very busy intersection with heavy traffic at all times of day.  It wouldn't be long before Kitty's carcass would turn up on the side of the road.  So, she shall now be returned to her owners, who will continue to search for a loving home for her.

There was a day where I was getting depressed and thinking that I shouldn't have gone ahead with this idea in the first place, that it was a stupid idea that was doomed to failure, and that I could have saved myself the disappointment if I'd never gotten my hopes up in the first place.  But, I felt like God was saying that He could handle my disappointment.  That even if things go terribly awry, He still works all those things together for my good.  Typically, in this kind of situation I'd try to convince myself that I hadn't really wanted a cat that much in the first place, so it didn't matter if it didn't get to stay.  And in denying my disappointment, I'd deny God the chance to comfort and heal in this situation.  So I let myself be disappointed.  And I gave that disappointment up to my loving Father, and He in turn gave me peace enough to cover the whole situation.

There's another lesson I've taken away from this experience.  One night at the kitchen table, Zana asked me, "Why do you love cats so much?" There's all the typical answers one might give that I rattled off - they're clean, cute, independent, fuzzy, companionable - but the question stuck with me over the next few days.  In observing Kitty around my roommates, I finally put my finger on the answer.  One of the biggest reasons I love cats is because my family loves them too, and growing up that was something we shared together.  Anytime the cats did something cute or funny, we'd run to tell each other, and laugh about it together.  It brought us closer together, and joy shared is joy magnified.

I have decided to abandon the quest for a kitty at this juncture.  Not because of logistics, but because my roommates are just not really into cats.  They tolerated Kitty just fine, but in the words of Pastor Steve, "Toleration is a passive form of rejection."  It was a little bit painful to me to see Kitty being rejected by my roommates whom I love.  My happiness is having Kitty here was only the small happiness of my own self, lacking the magnification of having others to share it with.  Kitty has helped me to see that the true origin of my desire for a cat lies in the desire for greater connection with those I share my home with.  

I'm glad I had Kitty for this week.  I'm glad I took the risk to go for what I wanted, despite the fact that it didn't work out.  I learned a lot that I never would have known otherwise.  And I think this is just a small object lesson for me, that I can now apply to other areas of my life.  I don't want to just take the cautious route of guaranteed success anymore.  Perhaps there's no way to find out exactly what I really want until I just go for something that I think I want, and chase it until the things I truly want become clear. 

So how about you?  What do you really really really want?

Living in a world of words

Much of my life lately has been spent writing.  Now, normally I would enjoy such a task.  Writing, after all, is the medium in which I best express myself.  However, my style of writing is... well, it's this.  What you've been reading on my blog, for however long you have followed.  It's not just a string of bland statements, but it's a conversation between us.  This is my element, where I am most comfortable.  I love to communicate things in a way that makes sense to me, and hopefully to you as well.

The writing that I find myself doing now is Academic Writing.  Not just any kind of Academic Writing, but the sciencey stuff.  That means cold impersonal sentences stuffed full of incomprehensible jargon.  There's no life in it.  It's painful to me, to have to put my words into such a form that I disdain.  Alas, the culture of academia gives me no recourse, and I must struggle on, editing and re-editing, to find the exact precise form that will make my paper as publishable as possible.

If only I could be a science journalist.  Now THAT would be much more fun.  Perhaps after I'm done with this manuscript and it gets published somewhere, I'll write you all a fun and interesting summary in real-people language.

In the meantime, I've been getting out to enjoy the weather as well.  Recently my brother came to visit from Ottawa, and there was much fun to be had as you can see from the above picture of playing in the cherry blossoms.  What this picture doesn't show is the crazy hailstorm that happened 10 minutes prior which completely soaked us all from the knees down. Never a dull moment in Vancouver!